Missing my Pak! :(

Seating alone in Starbucks (hmmmm, the only place here that has wifi).. Alone.. Hmmm, they are playing this one nice song, old song, cabaret songs.. I am feeling calm, at ease..

A lot of things that i am thinking now, about life, love, future and past.. :) How i wish i could turn back time, and maybe this time i choose to go back to my childhood days.. Have my arwah father with me, pay extra attention to him, my mom and my family (my sisters and brothers).. Be a good daughter to him and my mom.. Always pray for them, be with them, love them more.. Rasa macam tak pernah cukup rasa sayang pada both of them, walaupun i love them soooo much, unconditionally..

My late father was a strict man, but deep inside, apa2 jer yang dia advice or said was actually true, and for the best of his kids.. Tapi those days, i tak really nampak 'why, and why again' my dad said no to this and no to that! If he was here today, i know he would still be overprotective towards his daughters.. And he won't let you drown.. That's for sure.. 'Ohhhh pak, how i miss you!' :(

I come from a big family of 12, and being the youngest, everything is quite easy, sebab dari kecil lagi my sisters and brothers help those yang masih sekolah ni.. Baju raya, baju sekolah, buku2.. How i thank them all.. But, masa tuh, tau pakai jer, and excited every year, nak tgk baju apa my sister, Aishah bought me.. Yup, never question, naper beli this baju and that, or tak pernah tak suka what i got.. In short, i just love what she got me, every year.. But now, i just don't know how to pay her back.. Up until now, she would help us all, saper2 adik dia yang in need.. One beautiful person inside and out..

Alhamdulillah, i love all my siblings, and yes, there are times yang masing2 with own point of view, but eventually, everything is back to normal again.. Air yang dicincang, takkan putus.. Adik beradik, takkan putus.. We care about each other in our own way.. Some of my sisters bukan jenis direct bertanya, but they do the thinking part, discuss and the rest would do the talking. Yup, they do care.. I do care to listen and so the rest of us.. :) Ya Allah, thank you for letting me part of my family now, and there's no word to describe this feeling i have inside for each one of them..

Single times, married now, teach me a lot about life, and i am sure, whatever happened today has it's reasons, and the reason is for me to be near Him, and accept what He decided for me with an open arms, and insyaAllah, something bigger or better awaits me in the future.. I don't know.. Not material things, but maybe i would feel more content, complete, happy, peaceful, and calm.. And maybe be blessed with more children! Hahaha.. Yup, 2 would be enough for this coming 10 years kot.. Hahaha.. Kidding! Whatever it is, i will start this journey of my life today, with Alhamdulillah, and InsyaAllah, one day, one sweet day, i will smile, and smile, sampai you can see a smile on my face, smile with my eyes (as Tyra Bank's always say in ANTM! hahaha) and smile with my liver (yup, this one i got from Eat, Pray and Love- love JRoberts, super stunning lady).. :)

InsyaAllah.. :)

p/s: Pak, i miss you! (al- fatihah)